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Missing me? Probably be. Perhaps you should've missed me.
Actually, in this creepy silence night I'm lying on my bed alone. I'm repeat it again, 'alone'. Frankly speaking, I've no idea on what I'm going to write tonight, 'yet'. Maybe I should just write about my feels, my current feels.
I bet I already told everyone this numerous times before. I am hard to fall for someone, fall for a boy arms, fall for a gentle guy heat. But, once I'm into you... there's no way out.
As usual, everyone is expecting that I would only fall for a handsome, smart & a good looking boy. Please men... I've never thinking of to be so choosy just like that, ever.
After two years of being heartless in my boarding school, my heart tend to be much stronger than before. It becomes a normal life, having no boyfriend is no longer a big deals to me. Yet, my heart wisdom is like, I wont fall in love again. Never means ever.
But this time, I failed. I fall for someone. I fall for his attitude, fall for his words, fall for his voice. God, what were you think I feel at that particular time? My heart is empty for a quite long time and now I feel like someone wants to fill my heart emptiness.
But, my heart wont let me be sincere with him. I never confess anything while I actually have to do it. He's telling me that he loves me for a thousand times. Sometimes, he shows his jealousy by asking this and that, yet we are nothing. Not in a serious relationship at all.
Again, but, I dont care. I love the way he treat me, the way he shows his jealousy. Because actually, I love him. And I really really really didn't realise it at the beginning.
Putting my ego and maybe a pride as a girl, again I'm lying. I didn't confess to him about what I feel and keeps on making my silence move.
Until one day, he began to leave me alone. He leaves without word, he is no longer become my company at late night if I had a nightmare. He dont even concern about my days, about what I've been through the whole day.
A day without him is just like creating a way to the death. But I'm not dying men, feels like dying.
We, each other actually dont know what is going on actually when a day of a loving birds becomes silence and got no sound to be played along the silent road.
If you are reading this, right now I need your explanation. But maybe, explain it to yourself is enough. Cause I might not looking at your face again as my heart is broke before.
Still, I wish I know why all this happened.
It's been a month since we lost contact...
And then someone come to me seeking for my loves. I cant love you, I dont want to be yours. Cause I feel safe of sticking with that particular person.
Why do you still, keep approaching me? Why? I will never going to be yours okay?
You really really have to understand my current situation, my current feeling. It is eternal for that particular person. Until... I tell my heart to foregt him, to erase him up from my world. My heart.
Whatever you told me you're not going to give... yet you still have to give up. I'm not letting you down, but it is better to let you know the truth.
The exact situation is, to dump you is not my actual proposes.
The end, if you can consider others feeling, then, others will consider yours too.